(A very famous Julio Iglesias song,”I am not from here or from there”)
We, humans, are very complex beings. We spend our lives chasing dreams and waiting for the right moment to be happy. And then we suddenly reach an age where we realize that we don’t have that much time left, that we better grab the present moment, no matter how imperfect ,and run with it, enjoy it, embrace it, smell it, feel it, live it.
Several friends have been asking me to write a sequel to my post from last year “We are what we Know”. They want to know how I feel after my last trip to the States , I think hoping to hear that the minute I got off the plane in Miami I wanted to come running back to Costa Rica, that I had finally integrated so much to life here where I feel this is “home”.
Instead, the minute I got in my rental car and on to a monstrous 10 lane highway, it was as if I had never left, as if the last two years had suddenly been erased. The only thing that was difficult for a few minutes was to figure out all the digital controls in my 2014 car…hahahaha….I OWNED that road and Miami.
The days that i spent with my family and friends were days filled with laughter and fun, knowing I would have to leave soon made it more important to savor every second with them. In the last couple of days, I noticed my mind switched, I started thinking more and more about Costa Rica, I grew impatient waiting to comeback. I would envision myself sitting at my screen porch as I am now listening to the birds sing, being among my “things” , those things that make a house become a home.
For a few days after I came back my mind would take me to Miami, to my family, my friends back there, the food, the restaurant, the shops, a car that actually had power windows…lol. But then I settled back into my life, and, yes, it was hard seeing the pictures of my family together at Easter, not being there filled me with sadness, but that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? A balance of good and bad, a constant yin-yang.
I let myself settle back into my life here before I wrote this. Gave myself the chance to really be able to answer the question “do you now feel like this is home?” with certainty.
I know now that I have two homes. The home where I grew up, where my family is, the one that holds the memory of school, where my children were born, the one of the thrift shops and the constant heat and humidity, where I met my husband and fell in love forever, the one of good food and good music. And my other home, the one with the views that take your breath away, where the air is so crisp that it makes you want to sing , the one of monkeys and snakes, of rivers and waterfalls, of gallo pinto and fresh fruit, of new friends that will last a lifetime. How did I get so lucky?
I am content. I don’t have to choose. I can now be whole. Part of me doesn’t have to be here or there. I can be both places at all times. Unlike the song I can now say “soy de aqui y soy de alla”